Greetings, minions. Before I stoop to criticise
those puny underlings with whom I once toiled in vain, I recommend that you
quit this page and visit either the multi-format Llamasoft
Lleague or the regular C64 challenges at the Lemon
League. The Llamasoft Lleague offers a competition which, though no match
for those epic battles which I regularly supervised in the pages of Zzap!
magazine, nonetheless sustains the interest of retro gamers from around the
world. (Should you prove hopelessly incapable of understanding how the Lleague
works, even the most irritating of your questions will be answered in the
Llamasoft
Forum.) If your skills are limited to the Commodore arena, you can join
in the ongoing challenges at Lemon.
These regularly feature classic C64 games, suggested by the provocatively-titled
"Matt"
but voted for by all participants... However, should neither of these competitions
appeal to the spineless, lily-livered, yellowbacked demi-molluscs that you
undoubtedly are, I will permit you to remain here—where, at last, I can
finally reveal what it was like to endure those loathsome individuals who
passed through Zzap! Towers. Why I tolerated these inadequate fools in exchange
for their wretched service I shall never understand; perhaps I was too forgiving.
The oafish Penn, the mullet-haired Rignall, the bloated Houghton, the interminable
Wynne—I should have annihilated them when I had the chance. And once
that insignificant task was complete, it would have been a mere trifle to
conquer the rest of Newsfield, then Ludlow, and then—the world! ...It
was not to be. Because of their inadequacies as human beings, they and all
their spineless henchmen slipped through my grasp before I had the chance
to deal with them in a fitting manner... But my triumphant return begins here!
I am a chronicler of high scores once more, this time for the Commodore
64 emulators. I assume that you are a worthy champion and can defeat the
pathetic totals below, or have a score of your own not listed here. If so,
send me the details
,
along with your name, earthly location, and a screenshot which proves your
achievement—the top 3 in each category will be listed, and the newest
entries will be identified by a phlegm-coloured asterisk. Be warned,
however: cheats will be crushed to a pulp in my iron grip. If you lack the
courage to be a champion, click on my head to go to the Zzap! Contents, touch
the panel on my chest to return to the C64 page, or click on my hands to visit
this creature's pathetically-named 'Burrow'. 